Friday, November 24, 2006

The War on Christmas....& Hanukkah......& Kwanza....&...

I guess I should stop denying it and cop to really hating America, as Michelle Malkin says liberals like me do. I've been shaking my head in disbelief for so long now at our endless stream of bumbles and offenses (torture and death in hatespeak) that I almost welcome the proactive label.

For instance, I thought the issuing of new American Zip codes for Iraq illustrated the administration's unspoken intentions for our stay there as being a bit more permanent than they say.

Even though they're described as only military APO's, the new Iraqi numbers look an awful lot like American zip codes, with the first digit being the geographic region of the country, the second identifying the province, the third marking the type of delivery (0=street; 1= PO Box; 2-9= assigned to large businesses) and the last two digits identifying the specific post office, so this was likely a lie and grounds for hate.

But then woe, I learn Congress aims to eliminate the $13 million dollars earmarked to Halliburton, I mean, implement the new numbers, which leaves my hatred in doubt.

But in searching for hated branches of government it's hard to beat the one so despised it was actually sold off into something semi-private--the U.S. Postal Sphere. Which brings me to the 2006 religious holiday season, where I was sure I could fan my flames while I licked my stamps.

The new Christmas stamp is ecumenically benign if you're Catholic. I don't think we're ready for a Christmas stamp depicting heads thrown back, eyes closed, mouths open, and hands waving in the air yet. It's politically loaded nonetheless, although it's unlikely the minutemen will catch the subtlety of the message. I don't get the significance of Jesus torturing the bird, so that makes us even.
The Hannuka stamp seemed like an underdeveloped design at first, and how anybody could make a toy top look more like a guided missile I don't know, so maybe that was the point. Bombs away!
But what's up with the slash mark through the -39cents- on the Christmas and the Hanukka stamps?

It gets worse.

For Kwanzaa, the -39centsUSA- gets a nice fat black line through it.
In the perfect world of America, the Muslim faith gets equal billing, although they get a nice big unslashed USA.
It is extremely unfortunate that the Arabic word for blessed holiday looks so much graphically like the American word for Improvised Explosive Device.

(From the Postal Service: The Eid stamp commemorates the two most important festivals—or eids—in the Islamic calendar. On these days, Muslims wish each other Eid mubarak, the phrase featured in Islamic calligraphy on the stamp. Eid mubarak translates literally as blessed festival, and can be paraphrased as May your religious holiday be blessed. This stamp is part of the Holiday Celebrations series.)

The page with the Holiday Snowflake stamp simply refused to open,
and that makes me very suspicious.

But with the holiday Weight Watchers/Overeaters Anonymous stamp I finally caught on! All the little cookies were printed with the old postage of 37cents, with the USA over in the opposite corner. The denial of mammon is so pre-9-11.
So in order not to offend the hefties the hated American stamp sphere disguised their mistake by slashing all the other religion's cents too, carelessly unequal I might add.

All the bloggers know how to put slash marks through words and phrases, to indicate "considered, but rejected," or "the spin/the truth," but I don't know how to make slash marks. I can only spell things out.

I hate America as much as I hate Christmas. (See comment. Now I know about slash marks. Guess I just lack that criminal mind that thinks these things through. Thanks for being gentle with me anonymous.)

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